Really, there's no other way to describe this weekend. Horrible. Awful. Tragedy-filled. One of our friends that Davin has know since he was 9 and I have known since I was around 13, was killed in a motorcycle accident in Virginia Beach. Mat Mason, only 24 years of age, flipped into oncoming traffic after he lost control of his motorcycle on Shore Drive.
Davin & Mat had been very close friends growing up probably because of their location and their love for the outdoors & speed. They lived only about a quarter of a mile apart (which is not much space on the eastern shore) and was a quick ride on a dirtbike or a 4-wheeler which was their typical mode of transportation until they both got their Chevy trucks when they got their licenses in the summer after the 10th grade.
Mat & I met at Onley Baptist in the church youth group. Andrea started taking me to youth. I don't remember why she wanted to go to this church, but whatever it was, we both ended up sticking. Mat was the goofiest person I'd ever met and he just had me laughing every time we got together. He told cheezy jokes (those are my favorite), and in every picture, he'd give us bunny ears. It's like bunny ears never got old for him. They were funny in 1st grade and equally funny 11th grade.
Weekend night life on the shore consisted of a few illegal activities. Most of which we have on video. Street racing down one of the straighter backroads, with the whole crowd of people at the quarter mile marker. Mat was always challenging someone in his little Chevy S-10. He always had a great excuse for why he'd lost each race. Even Justin McKinney's Jeep could outrun Mat's truck. Davin would smoke him every single time in his Chevy C-10. No matter what, we always had a good time.
Together, we were always eating. Wendy's or Chinese food. Back then, Mat was a little heavier. It didn't matter to us, we just all had love for one another... the kind of love that you don't notice petty things. Just being together was a whole lot better than being alone, and together we were. Davin had 2 twin beds in his bedroom. So many times I remember waking up and Mat being in the bed next to us. "Do you ever go home? I mean, it's just across the street!" we would joke.
And then there was the time that Trey was hanging out with Mat. I think my mom was confident that Mat would be a good influence on Trey. Mat had a big container of what looked like cherry red gumballs. Trey asked them if he could have one, so Mat gave it to him and Trey ate it. It was a paintball. Every time I think about it, I have to smile, even laugh. When I asked Mat why he'd let him eat a paintball, he said, "Well I didn't know he was really going to eat it!"
In recent years, Mat had his fair share of trouble. He tried to do what his family wanted him to do to be successful, but he wasn't happy overall (My brother went through something similar). So he ended up close to his roots, in Virginia Beach, which is close enough to Davin & I. He would come to us whenever he was lonely or just needed help with his car or his motorcycle. Last summer, we went to the free military concerts together. He tried to help Amber find herself a man at the Gary Allen concert. *good times*
Just last week, he came over because his bike was making some crazy noises & he needed Davin to help him fix it. Of course, Davin is always up for helping a friend. Mat came in & checked on me because of my recent bouts of hospitalizations. He had been over the last few weeks and I had been MIA because I'd been in the hospital. He went into detail about how he was going to ask his girlfriend of 2 years, JoAnn, to marry him in the next few weeks, and debated with me & my Grandma Joan about the ring and the way he should go about asking (restaurant... no restaurant.... home cooked meal... which of his grandmother's rings he should use, etc).
I wish for different circumstances. Of course I do. A quick act of irresponsibility left huge family and set of friends devastated, and a community confused. No matter what, we have our memories of Mat. But it doesn't seem like it's enough. He's gone, he's not here any more. And he never will be. And thinking about that might be selfish of us. But selfish thoughts of this situation is all I have in me right now.
Monday, July 27, 2009
Thursday, July 16, 2009
LOTS MORE SINCE THEN....
A great number of events have occurred since my last entree. I don't know that I can actually name them all. Basically, 2 separate hospitalizations. The first one was for an infected gall bladder. The last Friday in June, I went to Sentara Leigh since Portsmouth frequently sent me home although I told them how badly it hurt. Eventually, Portsmouth had me transported by ambulance from Sentara Leigh back to their facility with a new level of belief since Sentara Leigh had actually performed tests that showed the infection, rather than sending me away telling me that I "didn't seem to be in enough pain for anything to be really wrong with me". All because I refuse to throw a tantrum & cry. I think not. How about a hospital staff that believes people when they say something hurts? I am not the overreacting type of individual. There are no throw downs on my behalf. I should have been believed.
Needless to say, after that drama subsided, I was admitted & a drain was inserted through my liver & through my bottom 2 ribs to drain the infected gall bladder. I was released the following Thursday (a 6 day hospitalization). By Saturday, the drain was filling with blood instead of the fluid it was supposed to be filling with, and I ended up back in the hospital. This time, until Wednesday. Diagnosis: pancreatitis.
By the weekend, I could tell the drain itself (the tube coming out of my side) was beginning to get infected. I was not in for another hospital stay. So on Monday, I called the hospital to tell them my findings. They requested I come in just for them to check it. Davin came home & drove me to the hospital. They told me to lie down & they yanked the drain out without giving me a whole lot of notice that they were going to do such a thing. It was pretty disgusting (more disgusting than just thinking about it).
So as of Thursday, I'm drainless & I have not had an issue with the gall bladder. I'm really hoping that this gall bladder doesn't act up again until at least the 12th wk of my pregnancy, because that's the only time that anything can be (safely) done about the problem. Let's keep that positive attitude!
Needless to say, after that drama subsided, I was admitted & a drain was inserted through my liver & through my bottom 2 ribs to drain the infected gall bladder. I was released the following Thursday (a 6 day hospitalization). By Saturday, the drain was filling with blood instead of the fluid it was supposed to be filling with, and I ended up back in the hospital. This time, until Wednesday. Diagnosis: pancreatitis.
By the weekend, I could tell the drain itself (the tube coming out of my side) was beginning to get infected. I was not in for another hospital stay. So on Monday, I called the hospital to tell them my findings. They requested I come in just for them to check it. Davin came home & drove me to the hospital. They told me to lie down & they yanked the drain out without giving me a whole lot of notice that they were going to do such a thing. It was pretty disgusting (more disgusting than just thinking about it).
So as of Thursday, I'm drainless & I have not had an issue with the gall bladder. I'm really hoping that this gall bladder doesn't act up again until at least the 12th wk of my pregnancy, because that's the only time that anything can be (safely) done about the problem. Let's keep that positive attitude!
Monday, June 22, 2009
I'm NOT singing..... NOPE
Kaleo is such a trip. I have spent a lot of time recently on the computer and driving around to find vacation bible schools in our area for our kids to attend. I know that Kaleo is used to the school atmosphere, and while he's at home, he has to deal with 3 younger children. He's used to being with a classroom full of 5 year olds, while I take care of a 3, 2, & 1 year old each day. Therefore, it was my desire to fill his summer with simple activities. I didn't want to overwhelm him with a bunch of lessons and all. I know he wants to have fun! Sometimes parents enrolls their kids in too many things and the kids are so exhausted that they can't really even enjoy the activities.
So I thought.... vacation bible school is simple and it typically lasts for 2 or 3 hours a day or night at the most. There are tons of kids his age, and they do a load of fun activities with them. To top it off, it's either low-cost ($5 or less) or free entirely. I am down with that!
So tonight was the first night of Vacation Bible School at the church that we attend. It's also the first for the season. He did not want to go. He insisted that they would "make him sing". I had no idea what he was talking about. He just did not want to sing. He said it multiple times, and was getting really upset. I explained that he didn't have to sing unless he wanted to and that no one would make him. I told him he'd get to make things, play games, and a bunch of other stuff. He was still a little doubtful about the whole situation.
I was 5 minutes late picking him up and he had his bag full of crafts and a big smile on his face with a report that he got to be simon when they played "simon says". His teacher said he was so well behaved and there was one individual who was shy & he sat with her and helped her get comfortable with the group. He has that kind of spirit about him, and I just love that he is sensitive to other people's needs. He's only 5 and reaching out to others around him that he sees are having a difficult time adapting to whatever the surrounding situation may be.
When we got to the car he told me he wants to come to bible school every day. Too bad it's only a week long!
So I thought.... vacation bible school is simple and it typically lasts for 2 or 3 hours a day or night at the most. There are tons of kids his age, and they do a load of fun activities with them. To top it off, it's either low-cost ($5 or less) or free entirely. I am down with that!
So tonight was the first night of Vacation Bible School at the church that we attend. It's also the first for the season. He did not want to go. He insisted that they would "make him sing". I had no idea what he was talking about. He just did not want to sing. He said it multiple times, and was getting really upset. I explained that he didn't have to sing unless he wanted to and that no one would make him. I told him he'd get to make things, play games, and a bunch of other stuff. He was still a little doubtful about the whole situation.
I was 5 minutes late picking him up and he had his bag full of crafts and a big smile on his face with a report that he got to be simon when they played "simon says". His teacher said he was so well behaved and there was one individual who was shy & he sat with her and helped her get comfortable with the group. He has that kind of spirit about him, and I just love that he is sensitive to other people's needs. He's only 5 and reaching out to others around him that he sees are having a difficult time adapting to whatever the surrounding situation may be.
When we got to the car he told me he wants to come to bible school every day. Too bad it's only a week long!
YOU ARE PREGNANT!
The busyness has not subsided yet. However, there has been a massive amount of exciting news to go along with just being "busy". For instance, this week on Wednesday evening, I drove myself to the hospital with a awful stomach ache. I was in an extreme amount of pain. At 1am, I realized that this pain was just not normal (not that stomach pain is in the normal catagory, but I have acid reflux so stomach pain is a common feat for me). So basically, I was in the hospital. They gave me all kinds of good stuff... narcotics... yippy! I was good & loopy when they did the ultrasounds on my gallbladder. Yes they did two ultrasounds. The first was a doctor in training and the second was his supervisor, who rolled the portable ultrasound machine in just a few minutes after the first doctor left. I suppose the first doc did not get the images the supervisor had hoped for.
Soon after, the doc in training came back into the room, again with the portable ultrasound machine. By this time, I'd had plenty of morphine and I remember thinking how inappropriate I sounded when I asked the doctor, "OH so you're gonna do it to me again huh?" OH BOY very embarrassing. The doctor smiled and just said, "well this time we're not looking at your gall bladder. We are looking for a baby. I said, "WHAT???" and he said, "yes you are pregnant..."
They told me that I could go home & I was convinced, after falling out of the hospital bed and then dressing myself, that I could drive myself home. After all, I'd driven myself to the hospital even though I was in such pain. They said absolutely not & that my husband had to come & get me. While I was waiting for Davin to come get me at 5:30am, I realized that not a soul was watching me. I walked out to the parking lot & got into the car & called Davin and told him that I felt completely fine & that I'd just drive myself home. After all, no need for him to get the kids out of bed and all this early! He said that he was almost to the hospital. I told him it was fine & he should just turn around & go home. He refused and told me I better not drive the car anywhere.
Looking back, I'm certainly thankful for his common sense. I just remember that I kept saying, I feel fine, I'm good, I can drive.
So that's my story! Very exciting!
Soon after, the doc in training came back into the room, again with the portable ultrasound machine. By this time, I'd had plenty of morphine and I remember thinking how inappropriate I sounded when I asked the doctor, "OH so you're gonna do it to me again huh?" OH BOY very embarrassing. The doctor smiled and just said, "well this time we're not looking at your gall bladder. We are looking for a baby. I said, "WHAT???" and he said, "yes you are pregnant..."
They told me that I could go home & I was convinced, after falling out of the hospital bed and then dressing myself, that I could drive myself home. After all, I'd driven myself to the hospital even though I was in such pain. They said absolutely not & that my husband had to come & get me. While I was waiting for Davin to come get me at 5:30am, I realized that not a soul was watching me. I walked out to the parking lot & got into the car & called Davin and told him that I felt completely fine & that I'd just drive myself home. After all, no need for him to get the kids out of bed and all this early! He said that he was almost to the hospital. I told him it was fine & he should just turn around & go home. He refused and told me I better not drive the car anywhere.
Looking back, I'm certainly thankful for his common sense. I just remember that I kept saying, I feel fine, I'm good, I can drive.
So that's my story! Very exciting!
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
So Busy!
How is it that we are so busy? It's like the hussle bustle consumes us. But what are we gaining from this? I'm unsure exactly. We have been so busy but it's difficult to say that we have actually accomplished anything. I still have not acquired work with my newly earned degree, although I feel that my daily search takes up much of my time.
I remember being young and in love. In my cleaning out the last closet this past week, I found a letter that Davin wrote to me back in 2003. It reminded me of the way we used our time back then. We had no clear concept of time. Reality was not for us. Fairy tale fantasies were, though. Davin writes, "No matter how bad of a day I have, just as long as I know you're waiting for me at home will make all of my problems go away". Mind you, this was a year into our dating relationship.
My own children have difficulty in grasping the time concept. I was 18 years old and hadn't grasped it, so how do I expect a 5 & a 2 year old to have the ability to handle it? Well.... I'm not sure. Off to the job search!
I remember being young and in love. In my cleaning out the last closet this past week, I found a letter that Davin wrote to me back in 2003. It reminded me of the way we used our time back then. We had no clear concept of time. Reality was not for us. Fairy tale fantasies were, though. Davin writes, "No matter how bad of a day I have, just as long as I know you're waiting for me at home will make all of my problems go away". Mind you, this was a year into our dating relationship.
My own children have difficulty in grasping the time concept. I was 18 years old and hadn't grasped it, so how do I expect a 5 & a 2 year old to have the ability to handle it? Well.... I'm not sure. Off to the job search!
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
The Job Hunt
I have begun the strenuous job hunting task, and have had no luck thus far. To date, I have applied for online college professor positions so that although I need to be able to hold a job and eventually replace Davin's income for his exit from the Navy into full time college, I am not having much luck just yet. Basically, my goal has been to go through the list of U.S. universities and apply at one each day. I have been getting call-backs with suggestions for various other job possibilities from recruiting agents, as many of the universities are out of funding and have capped off enrollment.
Altogether though, this is a very frustrating process. I have about 2 years to replace Davin's income, so I'm not going to get discouraged just yet. It's only been 3 weeks so I know there's still hope. I'm going to fight for it! :) I don't want to have to leave my babies. To sum it up.... I want to have my cake & eat it too! I always have had it good & I don't want any of that to change, but I also want to provide Davin with the chance that he provided me.... the fact that he worked his butt off & re-enlisted in the Navy so that I would be able to finish my degree blows my mind. Every single day. Such an unselfish man.... the government owns him for 3 more years all because he knew how badly I wanted to have that education. His chance to do the same is coming soon! He works so hard!!
I'll keep you all posted!
Altogether though, this is a very frustrating process. I have about 2 years to replace Davin's income, so I'm not going to get discouraged just yet. It's only been 3 weeks so I know there's still hope. I'm going to fight for it! :) I don't want to have to leave my babies. To sum it up.... I want to have my cake & eat it too! I always have had it good & I don't want any of that to change, but I also want to provide Davin with the chance that he provided me.... the fact that he worked his butt off & re-enlisted in the Navy so that I would be able to finish my degree blows my mind. Every single day. Such an unselfish man.... the government owns him for 3 more years all because he knew how badly I wanted to have that education. His chance to do the same is coming soon! He works so hard!!
I'll keep you all posted!
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
It's been a while!
Well the events of the last few weeks have been quite the experience. I haven't had time to write or update. But now it seems I have all the time in the world to catch up on so many things that I've been longing to do!
I graduated May 9, 2009 at 10am. It's a very exciting event for me, as I've had two children along the way. I'm so excited to finally have those letters following my name: Tiffany Ann Cooley Feliciano, M.A. The person with a normal life, who did things in the proper order, may not realize how much it means to a person who was disorganized in the beginning and started out completely backwards. I've always been an advocate for education, and therefore, could not bear to fall behind in my schooling. For the most part, my high school graduating class (2003) is behind me in this race for the finish. They ask me where I get my drive. They are in disbelief when they see me balance the massive juggling act. Chaos is just my thing!
So after graduating, we had rented a bed & breakfast cottage in Lynchburg on a 60 acre horse farm. It was so nice, and just a break from the hussle bustle that we deal with on a daily basis living in this military community. We had quite the crowd staying with us including Davin, me, Kaleo, Samson, Vickie, Sloane, Amber, and my mom. There were enough beds for everyone and the kids had a great time too.
And then... we were off to Disney. Honestly, I need a restful week after that kind of vacation but I didn't know it would be such a tiring event or I would've taken a week off. No, I suppose I prefer the chaos. And so, although we arrived home after 11pm on Sunday night, the kids filed in around 5am on Monday morning. Exhausted from unpacking half the night, but enduring every second of it knowing that at naptime... it can be MY NAPTIME too if I so choose for it to be! And I'll finally have a clean house. And possibly a high-earning income too. Right from the comfort of my own home. IN MY PJ's IF I SO CHOOSE!
I graduated May 9, 2009 at 10am. It's a very exciting event for me, as I've had two children along the way. I'm so excited to finally have those letters following my name: Tiffany Ann Cooley Feliciano, M.A. The person with a normal life, who did things in the proper order, may not realize how much it means to a person who was disorganized in the beginning and started out completely backwards. I've always been an advocate for education, and therefore, could not bear to fall behind in my schooling. For the most part, my high school graduating class (2003) is behind me in this race for the finish. They ask me where I get my drive. They are in disbelief when they see me balance the massive juggling act. Chaos is just my thing!
So after graduating, we had rented a bed & breakfast cottage in Lynchburg on a 60 acre horse farm. It was so nice, and just a break from the hussle bustle that we deal with on a daily basis living in this military community. We had quite the crowd staying with us including Davin, me, Kaleo, Samson, Vickie, Sloane, Amber, and my mom. There were enough beds for everyone and the kids had a great time too.
And then... we were off to Disney. Honestly, I need a restful week after that kind of vacation but I didn't know it would be such a tiring event or I would've taken a week off. No, I suppose I prefer the chaos. And so, although we arrived home after 11pm on Sunday night, the kids filed in around 5am on Monday morning. Exhausted from unpacking half the night, but enduring every second of it knowing that at naptime... it can be MY NAPTIME too if I so choose for it to be! And I'll finally have a clean house. And possibly a high-earning income too. Right from the comfort of my own home. IN MY PJ's IF I SO CHOOSE!
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